Subway Immersion Therapy

If you know me, you know that I have a tiny pet peeve: loud chewing.

It all began in third grade when my teacher, Mrs. Anderson, told us that we weren’t allowed to chew our gum loudly during snack time. It was her pet peeve, and it suddenly opened me up to the world of loud chewing.

From that point on, it has plagued me. Classmates chewing during AP English. College classmates chewing chips during class. Coworkers chewing carrots. I. Can’t. Take. It.

My mom used to joke around that she was going to send me to therapy for this problem.

Anyway, I’ve usually been able to FLEE the loud chewers of America, but lately I’ve been totally and utterly trapped. TRAPPED.

You walk into the subway car. You sit down innocently. Wait… wait… WHAT is that noise!?!?!? Oh my gosh. It’s the guy RIGHT NEXT to me. He’s chewing his gum SO LOUDLY. My skin crawls. My blood boils. I keep looking over at him and hope he might get the signal, but it doesn’t work. It never does. I’m trapped next to this guy and his gum for the next 20 minutes. I can’t get up and move within the car because that’s awkward. I don’t want to get OFF the car because I might not make it in time. I’m forced to face it.

Tonight, as I was commuting home from work, I found myself crammed within strangers on the 4 train. To my horror, the guy I’m facing is totally, TOTALLY smacking on gum. I can see it sloshing around in his mouth. Does gum really require so much movement?? I try to handle it for a little while, but I can’t handle the visual plus the sound, so I turn around. OH MY GOSH. Another guy chewing his gum equally as obnoxiously. The thought actually crosses my mind that gum should be banned on the subway.

I know I have issues. I know that this is my own issue. What if the subway is immersion therapy?? Trap me underground and surround me with my pet peeves.

Mom, that therapy you’ve always mentioned… I think it’s happening.

… Or I could just buy a pair of head phones.

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5 Responses to Subway Immersion Therapy

  1. Mom says:

    This made me laugh so hard! The thing is…this pet peeve you have is a bit contagious! There are now times when chewing gets to me! I spent so many years being aware of it for you. Haha! I was at Ross the other day browsing the dress racks and this lady was not only chewing her gum loudly, she also did this little crack think with it on her back teeth! She must have had some major fillings in her mouth! I glanced at her like.. Are you serious? And she chewed even louder!? The good thing was.. I was not trapped on a crowded subway. I took my cart and hightailed it to the shoe dept. 🙂 Earplugs??

  2. melissa fallis says:

    you should just get some bubblicious and chew yours even louder =)

  3. Bud & Steph Bucci says:

    Oh, Emily, this is so funny to me! Because…my mom trained us, too, about chewing loudly, especially gum…but all things chewed, ought to be as silent as possible, i.e., CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!!! Bahahahahahahahaha…..!! Therapy–bosh! Close your mouth! 😉 Aunt Steph

    Date: Tue, 5 Mar 2013 04:44:14 +0000 To: allies2@hotmail.com

  4. Cherrise says:

    ha ha ha I didn’t even know about your chewing issue, I might be an offender. LOL

  5. Theresa Jean says:

    Hillarious! I have this peeve too. My husband is afraid to eat next to me because I always give him funny looks when he chews loudly. (which is always. 🙂 ) Hahahaaa! I know just how you feel.

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