We’re not sure what we did to deserve this torture. A bad day six months ago consisted of when you’d accidentally wear heels on days you needed to run some errands after work. Now a bad day… is REALLY BAD.
First of all, what happened to your car?? Remember that?? We used to push the gas and the brake pedals so faithfully. It seems like you’ve traded it in for a new walking lifestyle. You know, it’s probably good for us to get out a little more and be more mobile, but could you have given us some warning or something? We thought that week in Mexico on the beach was a nice break for us from those long 8-hour days sitting at your desk, but boy were we wrong.
Second of all, can we please discuss your shoes? The flip flops are okay for short trips, but not for marathon days of walking. We get caught on things, stubbed, and rubbed raw. Dirt and dog pee coat us to the point of you having to wash your feet when you return home. One day, you put tennis shoes on us and we thought we finally had hope, but then we heard you tell someone you’d only wear tennis shoes with athletic clothes (which is roughly equal to 0.04% of the time).
We’re also confused that back in NC, you used to get pedicures when we barely worked at ALL, and now you work us to the bone and there is no reward. What happened to the massages?? The hot stones??
We spend our days gazing across the sidewalk and the subway floors wondering how the other feet feel. Sometimes it’s relief: “That woman has no regard for her feet in those 5-inch heels!” Sometimes it’s envy: “Why won’t Emily wear tennis shoes with dresses like that group of tourists over there?”
All complaints aside, we are grateful for the rain boots. And we think that you should start considering your husband’s pleas for a Vespa. Think about it.